Frame Control by Aella 27th Nov 2021Frame Control – LessWrong
by Aella27th Nov 2021
Crossposted from my blog
When I mention my dad’s abuse, I mention salient things – physical pain, insults, and controlling behavior. These are “clearly bad” – if I tell you that he often told me I was lazy and would fail horribly at life once I left home, you know it’s bad, because it’s concrete, easy to imagine and obviously unkind. But this wasn’t the worst of the abuse; the most terrible parts were extraordinarily hard to understand or describe.
In his world, I felt insane – I couldn’t tell what was real, who was at fault, or why my heart hurt so much. My sense of clarity around my own intentions crumbled; everything I thought or did might have seemed good on the surface, but that goodness became just a disguise for my true, darker intentions – all helpfully revealed to me by my dad. And none of it was salient or concrete or easily understandable; I remember my mom once telling me, “I can’t describe what this is like to other people. The individual things seem so silly, I can’t put the important thing into words.”
I’m going to try to put it into words, and the words I personally use for “the important thing” are frame control.
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